FAT CHICK The Novel or Art Imitates Life

Saved by the Supermodels

2011-02-06T13:21:00.010-05:00

My bad. I have not posted in four months. Primarily because I did not want to discuss anything that had to do with weight. Odd I know that the author of a novel called FAT CHICK would not want to share about the subject that has consumed her since she was 13. I actually think that's the reason I've stayed away. I have been talking about diets, scales, calories, clothing sizes and all that goes with the battle of the bulge for four decades and I just needed a break.

Break over thanks to the one who so many owe their transformations/epiphanies/ah-ha! moments to: Oprah.

I do not watch The Queen of All Media, unless my mother calls me and says, "Turn on Oprah, so-and-so is on." Sometimes I say I will, but don't. Even though this is her last year on network television, I became Oprah-ed out long ago. A bout of insomnia brought me back into the fold.

There I sat, bleary eyed hoping a few moments of staring at the TV's blue light would drive me back into my bed and REM sleep. I did as my husband does most the time, reclined with remote in hand, flipping channels feverishly hoping to be able to watch something that wasn't stupid, boring or akin to soft core porn. Then there she was on her throne of her Chicago set.

As men have been known to say about women at closing time, she looked pretty good in the wee hours.

I tuned in just as Oprah was introducing the four horsewomen of the modeling apocalypse:

Christie Brinkley, Stephanie Seymour, Beverly Johnson, and Cheryl Tiegs. Elle Macpherson, Veronica Webb and Paulina Porizkova weighed in via Skype.

Here is the link to a partial transcript of the show:

http://www.oprah.com/oprahshow/Supermodel-Legends_1

I came of age when these women were the gold standard of how to look and quite frankly I just could never measure up. I loved them and hated them at the same time. Like a Visa Card they were "Everywhere I Wanted to Be" and got everything they wanted. Not only did they look perfect but their lives were perfect. I resigned myself to the fact that I would never live the supermodel life. Or would I?

Just as these women do, I can boast about my children and career (I'm a published author and a columnist), unlike some of them I also have a husband. Yes, I still have my ups and downs -- literally -- with my weight, but clearly I am in good company.

Listening to Christie I was reminded that no matter how blonde one's hair is, or bright her smile or shapely her legs, it is no guarantee that a man will not go looking elsewhere for companionship. How often do we think, "If I only had a body like Jennifer Aniston, then he'd love me." Well, Brad Pitt had that body all to himself and left it. You are beautiful to whomever loves you.

Stephanie talked about the past two years where her dissolving marriage was reported on in the press. She said she gained weight from the stress. Emotional eating. Who knew the most prominent Victoria's Secret model and I would ever have something, let alone that, in common.

The couple recently reconciled when Stephanie went to her husband with a peace offering -- a Navajo blanket he was particularly fond of -- and said she wanted to try again. They're now in couple's therapy and spend weekends together with their children as family. I guess you can never be to beautiful or famous to give forgiveness a try.

Beverly Johnson said that it was her mother who saved her from anorexia. She was 5'9" and 103 pounds. Her mother dragged her out of the tub and made her look in the mirror to see her bones were sticking out all over the place, like a skeleton with a layer of skin over it. It reminded me of all the times my mother said, "You look fine the way you are," and I blew off her compliment as her not knowing anything.

At 25, she felt her career was coming to an end -- the new girls were anywhere from 14 to 17. At 25, I was just coming into my own, personally and professionally. Caring about teenagers was the last thing on my mind. She said she had to push past her fears of being over-the-hill and developed other parts of herself. In essence: having interests makes you more interesting.

Listening to Cheryl Tiegs was like winning the self-help lotto. I wanted to be this woman. She was the gold standard of supermodel. I could only wear that white bathing suit she donned on the cover of Time in my dreams.

Left out of the article I've linked is her confession as to how she started to gain weight and go on shoots where the clothes didn't fit her. The staff (editors, stylists, photographers, and their many assistants, etc) would be stage whispering about her. This woman who was once fawned over for her beauty was having eyes rolled at her for no longer having the body of girl when she was a woman. How often I have done that to myself I cannot count.

She said she went home that day, stood in front of the refrigerator and ate everything in it. It was like she had ripped a page from my own life. I realized I'm not at as odd, crazy, out of control, silly or alone as I once thought.

I have to say that I most enjoyed a snippet from Paulina who said that "Nothing ages as poorly as a beautiful women's ego." To know that even supermodels get the blues made me feel normal.

I thought Veronica made the most sense when she said that you can't be slender or have nice skin if what you eat is baptized in deep fat or butter. Sometimes I forget that you don't have to "diet" as much as just watch your portions and make better choices, like water instead of soda or a sugary ice tea; and that diet sodas only make you crave sugar and eat more. I did that last week and lost 2.5 pounds.

I never thought I'd learn anything or have my self-esteem plumped up by a supermodel, but it happened. I can honestly say now that I look at these women and see more than pretty faces. And I look at my pretty face and see more than someone who could lose a few pounds.

What's Eating You?

2010-10-14T13:42:00.004-04:00

http://www.eonline.com/on/shows/whats_eating_you/index.html

"What's Eating You?" is a new show on E!, which is strange because there is nothing entertaining about it. It's a serious look at what happens when you let dieting and exercise go to extremes. It's as dangerous a overeating.

They ought to call this show "Scared Straight...Into Average Size Clothes". It is informative, and heartbreaking at the same time.

Watching parents breakdown because their girls won't eat is as devastating as the watching the parents on "Too Fat for 15" cry at the sight of their kids taking two heaping helpings of everything on the dinner table.

As is the message in FAT CHICK: balance.

Fat's OK, Until You Get Skinny?

2010-09-26T11:55:00.003-04:00

http://www.parade.com/health/2010/09/26-drew-carey.html

Drew Carey was a rather successful (by showbiz standards) performer. He had his own sitcom, standup career that got him the sitcom, and then got to follow in Bob Barker's footsteps as host of The Price is Right. And he did it all while he was a "large" man. Now he is the thin man, doesn't look at all like the Drew we came to love and watch, but he loves himself because he lost 92 pounds. If he's happier -- and let's not forget healthier -- good for him. But once again every time we open a newspaper and turn on the television, we're getting the same mixed message: Love yourself and you body even if it is not the body of supermodel, until you can lose the weight so you're the size of a supermodel.

My head hurts. But wait there's more:

"Mike & Molly" is a new show about too "full-bodied" (the promo word in ad) people who meet at Overeaters Anonymous and fall in love.

Ashley Falcon is a "Plus size fashion stylist who writes the column Big Girl in a Skinny World for Marie Claire.

"Precious" star Gabourey Sidibe on the cover of Elle.

These are supposed to be examples of how the world is now embracing the larger of our citizens. Except when it comes to paying them.

http://lifeforward.onsugar.com/Fat-Gender-Gap---Obesity-Costs-Women-More-Than-Men---Obese-Women-Paid-Less-Obese-Men-Health-TIME-Gender-Study-11167648

"F" Is For Fleshy

2010-08-26T09:35:00.003-04:00

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/08/22/t-magazine/22face-merkin-t.html

Here is the link to the New York Times story called The F Word about why we yearn to be thin.

I didn't find my answer, perhaps you will, so I am passing it on.

The most interesting thing I got out of it was that the word obese once meant "having eaten well" until the 19th-century when it became pejorative.

Other than that the author, Daphne Merkin, tells us that fashion designers only want skinny models, regular women want to look at skinny people in ads, and that there is something ingrained in all of us to want to be thin. No kidding. This is news? This is a weight story worthy of the New York Times?

It's a rehash of all the usual gripes, with no real information about why flesh is bad, thin is good.

Again, maybe it's just me. See for yourself.

Also, the Style Channel is now airing a show called Too Fat for Fifteen. http://www.mystyle.com/mystyle/shows/toofatfor15/index.jsp

It is not a "contest", no one gets voted off, or humiliated. It has no "comic" element like HUGE. It is rather heartbreaking to see teens who have acted out with food now go through this regimen to get healthy again. It is painful to watch, but I do as a small way to support their efforts.

Let 'em Eat Cake

2010-07-14T08:09:00.003-04:00

What's that old joke? Someone makes you think they're talking about their love of sea food then they say, "I see food and eat it."

Well, it's not really that funny and now the Wall Street Journal has tapped whatever small bit of humor anyone might find in the saying with their article "Eating to Live or Living to Eat?"

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748704288204575363072381955744.html

There are people -- myself included -- who are so swayed by the look or smell or even the description of a meal by a third party, that they immediately have to have "what's cookin'" even if they are full.

Obesity anyone?

There's even a quiz which I failed. You're frequently preoccupied with food and at risk of losing control over your eating.

Tell me something I don't know. I finished reading the article and thought, "So, if I were blind I'd be thin?"

Beautiful Loser

2010-07-07T09:01:00.002-04:00

Apparently, plus-size poster girl has lost weight.

Read the NYPost article for yourself if you like.

http://www.nypost.com/p/entertainment/fashion/big_fat_lie_qJZrLEGqFZahQYK3pD93HM

Quite frankly, I think a, no pun intended, big deal is being made out of nothing. They insist on making it sound like she's gone back to having an eating disorder after having accepted her double digit size.

Her agent protests. And I for one believe him. I know the whole "plus model shrinks" makes a better story, the rep claims her weight loss if any was not intentional or from changing her eating habits. She's started hiking, aka exercising, and perhaps shed some pounds. That happens.

He insists she's still a size 10/12.

People are allowed to lose weight (as long as they don't end of anorexic) just as they should be allowed to put on a few pounds (without becoming obese and putting their health in danger) without it becoming an international incident, or at least news story.

Huge Issue

2010-06-24T08:24:00.004-04:00

There is an new show coming to ABC Family called HUGE. It is about kids at a fat camp.

Here's the good news: The show -- based on the book by Sasha Paley -- was developed my one of my professional heroes, Winnie Holzman, who created one of my favorite shows MY SO CALLED LIFE, as well as my favorite Broadway show, WICKED. She is a genius, so I'm sure the show will be of the highest quality.

There really is no bad news, so I'll call this the questionable news: Nikki Blonsky, (HAIRSPRAY and QUEEN SIZED) has been trotted out once again to play the big girl in the skinny world who will succeed by staying true to herself. In the trailer, she says things like, "I feel that inside me there's an even fatter person waiting to get out," as well as, "I don't want to change. Why should I?" and, "I don't want to get kicked out, nor do I intend losing weight."

This I'm-overweight-and-proud message comes at a time when every news report is talking about childhood obesity being the scourge of the decade. I wondered how ABC Family would spin this one and their PR people do not disappoint. They want everyone to Live Huge -- there's even a nation tour.

"At ABC Family, we believe that healthy living means living life to the fullest. In order to live your best life, it’s important to take care of yourself -- physically, mentally and emotionally. Here you’ll be given tips on how to eat nutritious snacks and meals, add exercise into your busy life, and build a stronger, more positive sense of self -- because living a healthy life means having healthy self-esteem too! Love Huge, Think Huge, Act Huge. Whatever you do, do it to the fullest – LIVE HUGE!"

But if you eat nutritious snacks/meals and exercise, you will probably stop being huge, which is a good thing. But then isn't the point to love yourself as you are -- even if you are huge?

It's this kind of double talk that makes kids turn to drugs.

My Brain Hurts

2010-06-03T09:19:00.002-04:00

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/daniel-amen-md/change-your-brain-change_b_474293.html?view=print

I watched a show on Channel 13 last night called Change Your Brain, Change Your Body hosted by Dr. Daniel Amen. He said a lot of things that make sense, although most people hawking some weight loss regimen usually do -- even Kirstie Alley.

Amen has clinics in Cali. The closest one to me is in Virginia, so I won't be stopping by any time soon.

Anyway, he says there are five types of brains and the one you have determines how to choose your weight loss method. I read each type and quite frankly, I felt that at one time or another I could have fallen into all five categories: The woman with five brains, if you will.

So I went to the website www.amenclinics.com and took the quiz. (The results are immediate, FYI.)

I am a combo platter: Type 1 -- Compulsive Overeater -- and Type 5 -- Anxious Overeater.

In other words, I eat to self-medicate my stresses away. I get stuck on thoughts of food and in the bigger sense, I have trouble seeing options and want to have things my way (and this is a problem why?) Well, the quiz results were pretty much on the money.

For my Type 1 brain, the doctor suggests a high carb diet and the supplement 5-HTP to boost serotonin. I am already a carboholic and consider this my downfall. I do not know what 5-HTP is and am not sure I want to find out.

For my Type 5 brain, he says I have low levels of the calming neurotransmitter GABA which I need to boost with relaxation exercises as well as Vitamin B6, magnesium.

I have a headache now. It makes me want to eat something. But I'm not going to. I'm drinking sparkling water -- the water with bite, like food. I believe that's using my brain.

Not Fat, Not Thin, "Just Wright"

2010-05-19T11:29:00.002-04:00

http://www.foxsearchlight.com/justwright/

Just watched the fat chick get the guy. As always though, it was a struggle. The guy likes her, respects her, appreciates her, needs her, enjoys her and even eventually has sex with her, but when given the choice chooses the hot chick, who of course turns out to be not a good person, so he goes back to the fat chick because she is the whole big package.

It's a sweet movie and since I like the Queen, I would give it a favorable recommendation, but really: if you're fat your good, if you're thin you're bad and shallow. Yes, I'm bored too.

I realize that the grain of truth is there that large people will get passed over until the guy has "sampled" others, but not all thin people are mean and not large people are good.

It was nice to see the chubby girl get the guy, but I wish they or someone would take a different route to get there.

Slimming with Shakespeare

2010-05-09T11:10:00.001-04:00

Sometimes you have to be creative to stay on track.

This is a very funny piece about how the women of Shakespeare slim down for summer.

http://www.errantparent.com/chicken-mcshakespeare/

Me On TV

2010-04-26T22:00:00.001-04:00

I sat down with Bethanie Patrick, managing editor of The Book Studio, to discuss, what else? FAT CHICK. Enjoy.

http://ning.it/bS2pUP

Big Idea

2010-04-23T12:33:00.006-04:00

Victoria Secret models can shake it on ABC, but the full figured gals from Lane Bryant have to cover up.

This was the claim made in the NY Post story yesterday:

http://www.nypost.com/p/news/national/narrow_minded_abc_nixes_buxom_babe_Fzr0R3fTuAREENqIooPNOK

Today ABC is claiming that they were willing to "accommodate" the clothier. What does that mean? Put a sweater on the girls with the double Ds or cut the them out of the commercial?

http://www.nypost.com/p/news/local/brooklyn/banned_ad_ebQ3Py9fhAuT9k4CeFKixI

ABC also accused LB of using this as just a way to get publicity. And?

We live in a world where everyone seems to want publicity. Anybody, whether or not you have a talent or something to offer, has a reality show. Does ABC not have a publicity department? Do they not send their stars out to promote the shows?

The big girls at LB also have big brains. They took a remark made by some Standards & Practices person at ABC and turned it into a PR opportunity that will have everyone tuning into Fox's American Idol next week to see the Lane Bryant commercial that ABC wouldn't air.

Big girls don't cry they just call their publicists.

The 10 Diet Commandments of Dr. Oz

2010-04-12T13:35:00.004-04:00

I am not a disciple of Dr. Oz, in fact I find him a little to slick to suit me. However when I came across his 10 Commandments for Weight Loss that did not involve shopping for special foods, taking supplements or making major changes, I was glad to open myself to his advice. They seem simple enough to follow and perhaps can make a difference.

Day 1: Thou Shall Not Wear Pants That Stretch
"When you wear stretchy clothes, it's difficult to tell if you are gaining weight because you gain weight without realizing it. When you wear clothes that fit with a set size you let clothes be your gauge. They alert your body if something is getting a little tight so you can correct the course early on."

Day 2: Thou Shall Not Keep Fat Clothes
"I don't want anybody out there who's losing their weight thinking, 'it's okay if I overeat a little bit, it's not a problem because I can still wear these clothes.'"

Day 3: Thou Shall Not Eat Meat That Walks on Four Legs More Than One Time A Week
"The reason is that there's less saturated fat in animals that walk on two legs like chickens, or don't have any legs like fish. Additionally, women who eat large amounts of red meat more than once a week actually have 50 percent higher chance of dying of heart disease. They also have higher cancer rates, so there are double benefits from the third commandment."

Day 4: Thou Shall Not Graze or Browse in Search of Prey
"You need to plan your meals before you go to the fridge. Too many times we're wandering like reptiles foraging for food. We make food decisions. You want to create the plate that you're going to eat using your brain rather than impulses that lead you to naturally overeat, which is what happens when you're hungry and going in there five to seven times a day."

Day 5: Thou Shall Not East After 7:30 PM
"The average American goes to bed around 10:00 p.m. You need to have two hours of time between when you eat your dinner and when you go to bed. When you eat late at night, a couple of things happen. First of all, you're more likely to be eating in front of the TV, which means you're distracted and likely to eat more. You also tend to get high-calorie snacks in the late night hours. Try to move your meals up a tiny little bit whatever way you can to make 7:30 p.m. your ideal cut off time."

Day 6: Thou Shall Not Pile On Food On A Plate More Than One Inch High or Two Inches to the Edge of the Plate
"Larger portions mean a lot more calories."

Day 7: Thou Shall Not Chew Less Than 20 Bites
"When you're chewing, your body is beginning to process the reality that you're putting food in it. It takes awhile for those hormones to circle back. The perception of fullness depends completely on back and forth chemistry between your stomach and your brain. As you chew, you give yourself several minutes for that processing to occur. So you're helping your biology of blubber take you to a weight that you could be happy at."

Day 8: Thou Shall Not covet They Neighbors Plate
"These snacks, these little bites from someone else's sandwich, these little sweets, whatever it is, it adds up. It adds up, on average, to over 1,000 calories a day. That's why grazers, believe it or not, are getting into trouble. These calories count with all the other calories you already eat."

Day 9: Thou Shall Not Carry Small Bills
"The reason, vending machines. Vending machines love small bills, and human beings like putting small bills in vending machines. With this temptation it's too easy to get 100 or 200 extra calories of food. Most people buy more because they're not going to pocket the extra change. The result is you feed there over and over again. I want you to leave the house without small bills in your pocket. You won't want to break a $20 bill in order to buy junk foods in a vending machine."

Day 10: Thou Shall Not Eat Standing Up or in a Car
"Eat a preplanned meal while you're stationary, and eat it while you're sitting down. You will actually know what you're doing. You are aware, you're not distracted and you're not rushing; most important, you are not overeating."

Dare I add Day 11: Weight yourself and see if any of this makes a difference

Need It Be This Hard?

2010-04-10T14:17:00.003-04:00

I thought the hard part was over after spending two years trying to get a publisher for my debut novel, Fat Chick -- but writing the book and getting it published was THE EASY PART, compared to the promoting part that comes after. I am exhausted, exhilarated, frustrated and hopeful all at the same time. There are reviewers who won't review, venues that don't want fiction readings, people who said they'd buy the book, yet haven't; and those who bought the book, but have not read it yet.

On Wednesday, I flew to DC (on my own dime) to tape a segment for The Book Studio -- a PBS web show with host Bethanie Patrick (lovely woman, BTW). Thursday I did a book reading at The Harvard Club, which was a real coupe for me, but didn't have a very big turnout. Sold a few books though. Friday I worked all day and today I have a wedding. I want to sleep all day tomorrow as I am exhausted. Next week I have to get back to writing, submitting, following up, getting rejected, waiting for checks from work I have sold.

Although I am a teetotaler, I understand why many writers drink.

I, however, keep on truckin'. Here is an article I wrote for The Huffington Post that reminds me to not give up.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/lorraine-duffy-merkl/fat-chick-finally-gets-it_b_363879.html

There's FAT CHICK and Then There's Really Fat Chick

2010-03-16T17:45:00.002-04:00

She's the opposite of skinnymania: the 600 pound Jersey woman desires to double her weight to get in the record books. http://www.nypost.com/p/news/local/nj_woman_attempting_to_become_world_pco3O4q

PWiCg3yjEWaxx9NAre

They putting something in the water in the Garden State? First those Jersey Shore people, now this?

I feel sorry for this one though. She said that she didn't believe there are health risks involved with excess weight. Well, Jersey Girl, just cause you don't believe it, doesn't mean it ain't true.

I also feel sorry for viewers who have to watch those new Jenny Craig commercials with Jason Alexander and Valerie B. They are doing that whole married couple sitcom thing where the wife is the antagonistic "smart one" who needles her schlubb of a husband. I never liked the dynamic on Everybody Loves Raymond or Mad About You or any of the other shows of that ilk and it is no less annoying in 30 seconds than it was for 30 minutes.

Kirstie Ally was on Entertainment Tonight last night promoting her new show, which I will not watch, and her new line of diet foods, which I will not eat. I would like her to go away. BTW she has lost 20 pounds (again) so far.

My quote of the week is E!'s reality blonde Playboy whatever, Kendra. Her attitude toward her baby weight: "Same ol' Kendra, just with a bigger bootie."

Yes, no matter what size you are, you are still the same inside. Words to live by, Kendra.

Hourglass actress vs. Fat actress

2010-02-25T16:17:00.004-05:00

I loved NY Mag's article about Mad Men's Christina Hendricks. http://nymag.com/fashion/10/spring/63808/ After reading about this amazing woman who embraces her voluptuousness, I spent an hour of my life I'll never get back watching the zoftig bore, Kirstie Alley, promote her reality show where she once again will lose weight. She is not only tedious, but depressing, not to mention discouraging to people serious about taking it off and keeping it off.

Mr. & Mr. Smith

2010-02-22T16:04:00.002-05:00

Kevin Smith, the director of the new movie Cop Out, got kicked off a flight for being a wide body.

http://www.nydailynews.com/gossip/2010/02/14/2010-02-14_director_kevin_smith_too_fat_to_fly_southwest_clerks_writerdirector_tweets_rage_.html

They are putting it on customers to tell the airline in advance that they are "too wide for the sky" so the airline can charge the passenger for two seats. This is a bit passive aggressive if you ask me. When you make your reservations don't they ask if you have any special needs or requests? Isn't that the time to include how many seats you'll need?

It would save them bad press and the customer humiliation, no?

Kirstie Does it Again

2010-02-06T15:33:00.003-05:00

I hope Valerie B. ends up not being quite the thorn in Jenny Craig's side that Kirstie Alley must be.

Here is the story from today's NYPost:

http://www.nypost.com/p/entertainment/tv/alley_gets_life_wbNAgO72wdSnGLesg7KffI

If you're sick of reading about Kirstie, allow me to recap. She's fat again (perhaps she should have written Fat Chick instead of me) and has her own reality show that will chronicle her dieting on her own weight loss line of products.

I guess Kirstie figured that if Jenny could put food in a plastic tray, she could too.

I'm beginning to wonder if the reason KA keeps gaining back the weight is so she can keep being on television (remember her last show Fat Actress?)

You go from fat to thin and you're a role model. You gain it back once and you're only human. You lose it again and you're someone who got up after being knocked down. Then you're done.

If you gain/lose, gain/lose any more -- you're a bore.

I will not be watching Kirstie lose it yet again. If I do, I just might lose it.

Lose Weight with Betty and Veronica

2010-01-31T21:58:00.007-05:00

This is Denise Austin.

This is Jillian Michaels.

When I look at these two women I feel like I'm looking at the Betty and Veronica of fitness. There's also a Good Witch/Bad Witch thing going on, too.

I've decided to compare and contrast.

They both "work it" on television, have books and tapes to hawk, and claim that their goal in life is to help you reach your weight loss goal.

I guess it's up to us to decide how.

Denise has earned the reputation as America's Favorite Fitness Expert.

Jillian's America's Toughest Trainer.

Denise is a blonde ray of "up with people" sunshine whose trademark -- according to her website, deniseaustin.com -- is her zest for life, positive outlook, and can-do attitude. She also encourages people to eat potatoes.

Jillian is dark, exotic and although a beautiful woman, has this snarl that makes her look a bit scary at times. JillianMichaels.com, boasts her endless knowledge of fitness and her secrets for weight loss.

Denise Austin is a pioneer in the exercise and sports industry with 25 years experience.

Jillian's passion for fitness originates from 17 years of devoted practice in the fields of martials arts, personal training, health and wellness.

Denise offers (again, according to her site) easy, fun exercises (no gym required!), healthy, delicious meals and plenty of motivation to get you fired up!

Jillian (according to her website) has created a triple-threat approach to weight loss. Her step-by-step plan includes customized nutrition guidelines based on your body, kick-ass exercises that you can do from home, and motivation to keep you moving.

So, fun vs. kick-ass.

Toothy smile vs. the snarl.

Blonde vs. Brunette.

How's a girl who needs to drop a few pounds to choose?

I know. I'd like to smack both of them down on their skinny behinds then go for a nice long power walk -- to get an ice cream cone.

Thinking (About) Thin, Too Much

2010-01-28T09:13:00.005-05:00

My head is spinning.

I like talking about diets, who lost what, and upon meeting someone who's just dropped a few, my lips unleash the proverbial question: "How'd ya do it?" But even I'm going into overload.

Reminiscent of the guy who lost weight by eating Subway, there's some woman who's claiming she lost 54 pounds over two years by eating Taco Bell.

I offer you the story from today's New York Times: http://www.nytimes.com/2010/01/28/fashion/28SKIN.html?ref=todayspaper. My favorite line is from the filmmaker who did "Supersize Me". He says he's waiting for the White Castle diet.

I'm waiting for the Hershey's Kisses and Wise potato chip diet, myself.

As I get older it's not only harder to lose weight, but I gain weight even if I'm not over eating. The idea of eating fast food and dropping pounds is just not in my make up.

Packaged food diets are no longer serving me well, either. My apologies to Val Bertinelli, and new JC spokes gal Sara Rue, as well as new spokes guy Jason Alexander. (If he loses weight who will play the cute, chubby friend?) I would like to shed unwanted (unsightly) pounds, but I just can't suffer for it anymore. I know on the commercials their food stylists make the food look "yum", but staring at that mush in the black plastic micowaveable tray, just looks "yuck" and makes me go running for a Kit Kat to make it up to myself.

I know the answer to my diet/hunger/weight loss woes is out there, but I've been dieting for decades now, I'm too tired to go find it.

I just found out from Good Day New York that today is National Blueberry Pancake Day. I think I gained five pounds just hearing that.

Now That Models Are Large As Well As Small, How About In Between?

2010-01-19T18:36:00.000-05:00

Big girls don’t cry – you’re finally in the game.

I must admit though, I’m a little confused by why model Crystal Renn, who is a size 12, is being referred to as a plus-size model. Isn’t the average woman size 10 or 12?

The large size models I see in magazines look more they belong in Lane Bryant dimensions of sizes 14 to 28.

These plussies have their champions. The women out there who are oft described as having a pretty face will now be able to read magazines and see themselves. People will cheer because the magazines and new breed of model are not promoting anorexia or bulimia, something of which the waifs have been accused over the years. Seeing these supersized models may also inspire those in that demographic to take better care of themselves; as in you don’t have to be size zero, or wait until you are, to have a great hair style, flawless make up, or look trendy and put together.

All the publicity though on how fashion magazines are using plus models has not been met with only compliments. The other side of the Oreo is that seeing big boned bodies may actually promote obesity. “Look ma, I can eat and eat and eat and still be a supermodel!” Many a man has rolled his eyes at the sight the of the large ladies in bikinis and, no matter how beautiful the women are from the neck up, from the double chin down, they’re still the fat chicks. And unfortunately, as happy as other women might be for their bigger “sisters” new found success in theory, no one is ever really going to emulate the plus models the way traditional skinny models are admired.

People hang pictures of Sports Illustrated swimsuit girls on the fridge as incentive to keep the door closed, so they can stay on their diets. They go to gyms and personal trainers to have their torsos and legs sculpted to mirror Elle MacPherson’s. Congratulations can easily turn to condescension when an average-size woman is asked point blank if she wants to trade places with a plus-size model. “Um, no.” The truth is that people just plain look better when they’re thin; Not emaciated, mind you, just thin, as in not jiggling in all the wrong places, no muffin top hanging over jeans’ waistbands, or without cellulite so pronounced you can see it through your clothes.

Even though plus-size models have more skin than their stick figure counterparts, will it be thick enough to make it with the catwalk crowd. Revered, critiqued, complained about, plain made fun of, such is the life in the limelight. Not even the famous and skinny (or famously skinny) get a pass. My guess is they’ll be able to stand up to the scrutiny, since their excess flesh has probably attracted unflattering, weight related names way before they started posing for a living.

I for one am glad to see the supersized sirens for the sake of my own comparison. When you only see the small size gals portrayed, you can’t help but feel “large”, even if you’re a size 8. Those of us who are not size 2, nor size 22, might just start to feel OK with simply being middleweights.

So, now that models are tipping both ends of the scale, it’s time for the next fashion frontier to represent those of us in between gals. When will models that are 5’4” and size 10 be the new black?

Writing Was The Easy Part

2010-01-17T14:27:00.001-05:00

Right about now, if I were Candace Bushnell, I’d be picking out my red carpet outfit for my celeb-filled book party thrown by my world renowned publisher, where I’d announce that my novel – sold in bookstores nationwide -- is being made into a feature film or television show or both.

But I’m me, a copywriter turned author. My debut novel “Fat Chick” has been published by a small, yet established press, and so far offered exclusively online at amazon.com and barnesandnoble.com.

May I someday know the glamour side of being a published author, with agents, managers, publicists and “handlers”. Until then, I will know the hard work side, which does not stop after the manuscript is written, as well as sold. Currently, I am blogging, emailing, posting, phoning, making a show of myself all over Facebook and, along with my publisher, sending out review copies in the hope of getting some juice for my “good read.”

Celebrities (such as “The Maverick”) get begged to be on talk shows and in glossy magazines to discuss their latest literary contributions. Those brought into the market place by large publishing houses have their publicity departments to help them spin. My “publicity department” is a woman at The Vineyard Press named Fran.

We of the small press – humble publishing beginnings if you will – have to get out and DIY. After 25 years as a New York City ad agency copywriter, I figured if I could promote the products of others, I could certainly do it for myself. Together, Fran and I are like the little engines that could.

Fat Chick – The Novel is a print on demand book, which means that as soon as the publisher signs off, it becomes available. The publisher had told me we were shooting for it to come out in September of 2009, but there were some mishaps and delays along the way and the date kept getting pushed back. Since we didn’t have a release date, advance press only led people to seem ambivalent. So we waited.

When the book first finally went up on Amazon in early December 2009, I was elated, yet immediately overwhelmed at how much there was to do. My excitement turned to panic. Before I could go full steam ahead, I first had to really psych myself up into a positive place.

I began by being grateful. With or without Bushnell-type fanfare, my book was published and out there for people to purchase. I thought back to a year ago when I, a 50-year-old New York freelance writer, was standing in my friend Diane’s kitchen during a small get together, haranguing to my other friend Ellen – and whoever else would listen -- that I didn’t know how, or if, my novel would ever get published. What a difference a year makes.

I then had to get my energy up with my attitude. I told myself that I couldn’t drop the ball now, not after all the work that had been put into the book thus far.

Starting back when I was about twenty-five, I talked about writing a book, mainly because all the senior copywriters I worked with at my ad agency were always working on their novels, just as the art directors were working on getting their gallery shows together.

But talking doesn’t make it happen and, quite frankly, I was more concerned with my copywriting career. I'd worked on staff at ad agencies all over New York for about 15 years. When my first child was born I went freelance. I felt very fortunate to be able to care for my baby, while I worked mostly from home. I did that for ten years and found it was a truly rewarding experience for me, until about five years ago, when my clients started keeping things in-house (theirs not mine).

In my mid-forties, I had to reinvent myself – yes, like Madonna. I started writing essays for a local Manhattan newspaper, where I now write a bi-monthly column. I gained confidence when The New York Times bought my essays as well as The New York Post, and some magazines and websites.

With long form writing now a way a life for me, and my advertising job excuse no longer on the table, it was time to write my book -- and I finally knew about what. Over the years I had decided that having balance in my life really improved the quality of my whole life.

I would tell my story with a weight loss theme. I had always been a yo-yo dieter and finally decided once and for all that I was tired of either being overweight or so thin that if I turned sideways you wouldn't be able to see me. There had to be something in between. Perhaps if this balance could be achieved on the outside, it might also happen on the inside.

I had no interest in a memoir, albeit a popular, sellable genre. Quite frankly with people out there like Kirstie Alley, Valerie Bertinelli, Marie Osmond and Carnie Wilson telling their "I'm-fat-I'm-thin-I'm-fat-I'm-thin" stories, I didn't think a non-celeb could really compete. Also, that wasn't the story I wanted to tell. I wanted to talk about getting off the yo-yo and not settling at either end of the diet spectrum. I thought my point would be better made if I used my imagination.

I also wanted to write a book that didn't rely on the clichés usually found in women's fiction: blaming the fashion/magazine industry that so many blame for women's bad body images; having the male best friend be "the one" all along; having everything be perfect once the weight comes off.

The story is about a woman who tires of being the skinny waif as much as she did being the fat chick, and wants off the yo-yo in order to live life in the middle -- both physically and emotionally.

There is a subplot about the combative relationship the main character has with her mother. The result is not a fairy tale where everyone hugs it out and promises to change, but a more realistic story of forgiveness (which really takes weight off your shoulders, if no where else), accepting people as they are, then moving on.

Besides the main character, there are strong supporting female characters, who also prove inspirational: the de facto heroine of the story is a plus-size model. The main character's best friend has a very healthy view about body image ("Look, no one's ever gonna drool when I step on the beach. Page Six is never gonna care where I ate dinner last night, and..." she continued as she held up her arm and poked at the upper part making it jiggle, "...see, my Grandma Suki's body-snatched me, but I could give a shit. I have a man who loves me, a baby girl I cherish and a good job. To me, that's a model life.") And there's a young, anorexic woman who serves as a cautionary tale.

It took me two years to write the book. I got an agent right away, however, although I believe he tried his best, could not sell it after a year. He told me to, "put it aside and write something else." I didn’t feel slighted, because I had heard other writers say that they had been told the same thing by their agents. I guess it’s standard stuff.

I realized though, that I had written the book I wanted to write, parted ways with the agent, and made up my mind to sell it myself going to small presses, since big houses don't like to deal with authors directly and my former agent had already approached them. Because I stayed true to my motto: “Let the other guy give up,” I got my deal in May 2009.

I had done all this, not to have an excuse for a party, but because I had a tale to tell.

The people who know this dieting routine all too well, however, could only have the story touch them, if they knew about it; hence began my media blitz.

First off, I sat down and wrote individual letters and send copies of the book to those from whom I hoped to get a review (preferably favorable) including Oprah (yes, I know, good luck.) When I call to follow up, I hear things like, “There are two hundred books piled in my office,” or “No I haven’t read it yet.” It gets a little disheartening knowing I am now competing to get attention for my book the same way I competed with other writers for a contract. To keep going, I once again envision myself in Diane’s kitchen a year ago, and remind myself I’d rather be competing for space in the book review columns.

When, if, my book gets some positive reviews, my plan is to use them as leverage with bookstores to get book readings/signings happening. Perhaps even the public library will buy copies, which would make for a nice boost in sales.

Clearly, there’s still lots to do. Regardless, writers write, so I’ve made sure not to let lapse my “write for at least an hour a day” rule. Despite the excitement/anxiety/hubbub of the past few months, I now have the first draft of a second novel. If publishing lightening should strike me twice and book 2 ever gets published as well, I’ll throw the book party myself.

I'M BAAAAAAAAAAACK

2010-01-17T13:58:00.004-05:00

Haven't posted since October. Yes, I have been remiss but not without cause.

My book, FAT CHICK is finally out: http://search.barnesandnoble.com/Fat-Chick/Lorraine-Duffy-Merkl/e/9781930067707/?itm=1&USRI=fat+chick

and

http://www.amazon.com/FAT-CHICK-Lorraine-Duffy-Merkl/dp/1930067704/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1263754834&sr=8-1

I was a bit overwhelmed, a little frantic, very excited and suddenly extremely busy trying to get the novel noticed. Please buy a copy. Envision my request being made on bended knee. Thank you.

Fat Chicks Always Get Their Man

2009-10-22T11:40:00.002-04:00

Have you seen Brooke Hundley? The woman who brought down ESPN's Steve Phillips rivals Monica Lewinsky in the looks department. So tell me again why those women on "More to Love" are always crying that they can't find anyone because they are overweight? Clearly, you can be large, not to mention plain (and crazy), yet still be able to lure a man from his (stunning) wife and family.

You know, maybe it's not the young age or looks of "the other woman" at all. Perhaps their job is the real aphrodisiac -- intern. Yes, there must be something about someone running around the office toting a clipboard, file folders and a tray of coffees that is the real turn on.

Since thin does not always get the man, it seems foolish to waste time going on about the new diet I heard about this morning on Good Day New York -- The Cookie Diet. It is so stupid I will not even share, except to say that weight loss plans like these are the reasons people gain back (plus some) what they lose when they follow a fad. Besides being on the "cookie diet" was probably how many gained weight in the first place; especially if the cookies are Chips Ahoy.

Scandalous!

2009-10-08T16:13:00.003-04:00

You know what the real scandal is about these sex scandals that are always popping up in the paper? How the people involved are never people for whom you would think anyone would leave their husband or wife.

We diet, get makeovers, diet some more, get new hair cuts or hair extensions, etc., all in an effort to look like a supermodel -- like Christie Brinkley. Yet, the woman her husband cheated with didn't even look like Christie Brinkley. She was probably the cutest toy store clerk in the store, yet, it's hard for me to believe when you've got the prize -- CB is not only a supermodel, but a real estate tycoon, artist, photographer, business woman, and yes, a millionaire -- really why look elsewhere?

But elsewhere some men look. And I'm telling you, I don't get it.

Have you seen the woman at the heart of the David Letterman scandal? Pretty, yes, in an ordinary person way.

If ordinary attractive is the man bait that causes marriages to break up and scandalous behavior to become breaking news, then why are we always trying to lose ten pounds so we can dress better, and buying all this product for our hair so we can have it soft, silky and long?

Perhaps we should stay the way we are. Apparently it's the regular looking gals who are making all the headlines.

The Pot(belly) Calling the Kettle -- Exercise

2009-09-25T14:38:00.004-04:00

I never thought I'd see the day, but I think I have found an exercise routine that I not only can do, but will do because I like it: Kettlebell training.

I saw a segment on Good Day New York (http://www.myfoxny.com/dpp/good_day_ny/090922_kettlebell_workout)

and well, all I can say is ring my bell.

I did not sign up for a class (I do not like to exercise outside the home so that a room full of people can watch it wiggle, see it jiggle).

Instead, I ran to Modell's and got a 5lb (hey, I'm just starting out, OK?) kettlebell with a DVD. The DVD didn't work, so the company is sending me a new one, but I found a kettlebell basic workout on YouTube and I have done it every day. OK, I've only had it three days -- but every one of of those three days I have worked out.

As you can see, a kettlebell looks like a mini bowling ball with a handle so you can swing it around.

Have I said I LOVE IT? Well I do. I'll love it even more if it jump starts my metabolism and helps me shed a few "bells" around my hips and thighs.

And I Wonder Why I Can't Lose Weight...

2009-09-21T13:18:00.002-04:00

Some are judged by the company they keep. I judge based on the kind of food you serve me. Yesterday there was Orientation at my child's new school. They made us get there so early that they would have been embarrassed not to serve breakfast. So, I didn't eat at home. My first mistake.

Donuts. With coffee and or juice to wash them down. Breakfast is served. I don't like donuts. I poured myself a Cuppa Joe and I was done. I'd wait 'til lunch. But just before we were to head into the auditorium to listen the the principal give his big welcome speech, my stomach started to growl. "Well, if donuts are all they have..." Jelly was the least offensive of the selection. I didn't even enjoy it, as the filling was grape -- I like strawberry.

I had to hurry as the speech was about to start so I gobbled and then had to waste more time brushing off the white powered sugar from my blazer's black lapels. I only half listened to the principal's talk, as I was too busy beating myself up about the JD debacle.

To add insult to injury, I ate lunch. A lunch that, believe it or not, was even more disgusting than breakfast. They called it a BBQ. It was in actuality the most unappetizing display of hotdogs and burgers in existence served on ice cold buns with a rather tasteless pasta salad on the side. My husband passed on the pasta, took two bites of the frank and threw the it out. I, who can never say no to anything on a plate that isn't moving, hate my dog with the pasta chaser.

We finished out the rest of the day's seminars, once again hoping my husband was tuned in as I was too busy stewing over this whole day the only good think I put in my body was the water I drank with lunch.

We got home and I "treated" myself to a guilt-free Weight Watchers ice cream cup.

I then went to my mother's for dinner. She made pasta with tomato sauce, meatballs and salad. I was so happy to be eating "real" food that I had two helpings of everything.

And I wonder why I can't lose weight? No I don't wonder at all. I know why.

Big Girls Love Vintage, Too

2009-09-18T09:21:00.003-04:00

Hats, jewelry, gloves and other accessories are as close to vintage looks one could often get if one is of a certain size. Eh-hem.

But now Red/Dress NYC -- http://www.redressnyc.com -- located in Brooklyn, is making sure that larger size gals can dress as though they too have stepped out of the shadows of another decade.

If you shop vintage, as I have been known to do, it seems as though only really tiny people lived back in the day. The reality is that not everyone was Audrey Hepburn. There were plenty of Jane Russells and Marilyn Monroes -- and their size clothes have finally been found and grace the racks of this Brooklyn store.

Here's the piece as shown on Good Day New York: http://www.myfoxny.com/dpp/good_day_ny/090917_redress_nyc

For Better or For Real

2009-09-11T15:22:00.004-04:00

Tyra Banks took her wig off and showed us the frizzy mess that tops her head, all in an effort to get women to be "real".

Someone commented on Kelly Clarkson's size, and her response was something like, "The only one who has a problem with my weight is you."

Then hooker/philosopher Ashley Dupre told the Post, we (women) should all, "Get real."

Perhaps you can get real when you're a celebrity, since as soon as you have to go on television (Tyra's on her show as we speak and hair is supermodel silky), on the red carpet, or perform somewhere you have a team of people to pretty you up.

However, I find that whenever I go "natural" or as the magazine's say, "Love yourself the way you are...love your body, NOW..." the next thing I know, I'm watching a commercial that tells me get the gray out of my hair, lose 40 pounds like Valerie and Marie, some how change something about myself to make me look and feel like me ONLY BETTER.

Or I run into someone who wants to know, "What happened to your hair?" or asks me if I want the name of their personal trainer.

So I guess I'm supposed to be real, but not too real. Just real enough to leave room for the unreal stuff that will let my real better self reveal it self.

I wish everyone would make up their mind on how I should be, because right now they are all REAL pains in my (real) fat ass.

Revenge Is (not eating anything) Sweet

2009-09-01T17:38:00.001-04:00

Living well used to be the best revenge. Now, it’s "losing weight is the best revenge" – at least according to Jessica Simpson. Like many women, she got in a relationship, got comfortable (he loves me for me!) and pounded the tacos and cupcakes pretty hard, until her Rubenesque figure became the center of every magazine and newspaper article.

Instead of mocking JS, which I could easily do because she’s one of those people who makes themselves mock-able, I am going to sprinkle some praise.

Rather then do the usual (or as I would do) and act out with food by diving head first into the Carvel Cake or sucking the milk and life out of a drowned Oreo (or the whole bag of) she is exercising and eating right. Good for her.

Makes more sense to show him what he’s missing out on than gaining even more to show him how he’s hurt you. Why do we think if we pile on the pounds, not wear makeup, and drape ourselves in sweats that our exes are going to say, “Wow, I want to come back to YOU.” Because we think they will pity us and return, that’s why. We actually want someone to want us because they feel sorry for us. What is wrong with that picture besides the cellulite?

Go Jessica.

Belly Laugh

2009-08-26T09:12:00.002-04:00

Who are these people kidding? This is plus-size?

This photo of model Lizzie Miller taken by Walter Chin for September’s Glamour Magazine is supposed to be some big breakthrough for regular woman.

It shows that even models have a paunch – and if models have one, then it’s OK for us. Right?

I have so many issues with this I don’t know where to begin. First of all, why are they calling her a plus-size model? She’s a size twelve or fourteen. Doesn’t plus-size start after that? Like size 16 or 18?

Second, why was the picture taken in the first place? Just to show her “imperfection” and how comfortable she is being imperfect? Granted she does not have the taut, six- pack, flat belly usually associated with models – but it’s a rather small amount of fat around the middle. This body issue looks like it’s nothing that a few sit-ups can’t cure. (NB: She has no cellulite or fat anywhere else. I also think when she stands up the belly gets flat enough that when she puts on clothes it’s hardly noticeable.)

I feel that what’s being said is that if we can’t have the truly unattainable Elle McPherson fat-free body, that’s OK. We’ll be cut some slack and allowed to have a tiny bit of flab. But just a bit mind you.

Thanks. That’s generous.

There are also people who have said that showing the belly fat was advocating obesity. OBESITY? Saying it’s OK to have a little belly roll equates obesity?

The hoopla surrounding this model and photo is just a way for people who are usually accused of being thin-obsessed to pretend they are open to putting less than perfect people in their magazines. It’s like putting a quarter in the cup of a poor person and pretending you’re putting an end world hunger.

Dove is the only company to use real women with real bodies to show women celebrating the real skin they’re in. This doesn't hold a candle to what they did. A model revealing a little belly bulge doesn’t celebrate anything but a smart career move for her and maybe some extra issues sold for the magazine.

I’m going to take my own belly fat and go home now.

Heidi, Heidi, Oh No

2009-08-24T12:14:00.004-04:00

Reuters

Heidi Montag of "The Hills" has an extremely enviable body. Enhanced? Not enhanced? Whatever. She looked great on last night's Miss Universe pageant. I didn't see the show, but I saw her performance ad nauseam on more than one news program.

Wearing a sequined gold bra (see above) and matching stretch pants (use your imagination) she showed off her assets, the likes of which I would have to starve myself to attain. Anywho, as I said, she has a great figure.

That having been said, I would rather be overweight than trade bodies with her, since it would mean that I would also then get a life with Spencer Pratt, a desperate need to embarrass myself in a mad search for attention at every turn, and no shame what-so-ever.

I feel sorry for this girl. Even with the media coverage, the Hollywood looks and the money that must roll in from all her "look at me" gigs, she is a sad creature.

Say goodnight, Heidi.

PETA's Whale of A Mistake

2009-08-19T10:40:00.005-04:00

If you stepped on a roach, they'd go crazy for hurting the feelings of roaches everywhere, but apparently it's OK to hurt people.

Are they kidding with this? I could rant for an hour, but really, why? This billboard speaks offensively enough for itself.

I hate this organization so much, I'm going to go out and eat meat and wear fur.

“Ass” Me No Questions

2009-08-18T15:49:00.003-04:00

I have come upon something called “Dance Your Ass Off”. It is, you guessed it, a dance contest show broadcast on Oxygen (Mondays at 9pm.) http://dyao.oxygen.com

A little investigative journalism (I Googled it) revealed that the show is also a weight loss program – “Contestants go from eating machines to dancing machines.”

Whatever gets you through the day, but I guess what bothers me is that a large person can’t just go on a regular show like “So You Think You Can Dance?” There’s this segregation. They have to have their own show where they can’t just dance; they have to drop a few pounds, too; which they would do anyway, even on the non-plus size version of the show. (Lisa Rinna was all over every talk show after she toned up on “Dancing With The Stars”.)

I don’t know why I’m in such a bad mood and why I’m taking it out on some innocuous television show. Whom I’d really like to take it out on is Marie Osmond. (Isn't her recent claim to fame that she fainted when she was a contestant on “Dancing With The Stars”?) I have seen just one too many NurtiSystem commercials today to suit me. I’m particularly sensitive to the one where Miss I’m-A-Little-Bit-Country and three other “hot moms” yell out, “60, 50, 38, 34” then Marie assures us that those are not “our ages,” but how many pounds each has lost. What if they were their ages? Would that be so terrible? And why did Marie need a weight loss plan? How come she didn't slim down by shaking her booty on DWTS?

I really have to stop now. Perhaps I should go dance my ass off -- and my mood will go with it.

Wendy Is “Doin’” Just Fine

2009-08-14T13:26:00.003-04:00

“How you doin’?” is her catchphrase and I now am “doin’” very well, thank you, since I’ve drunk the Wendy Williams Kool-Aid. I am absolutely a fan. http://www.wendyshow.com

Wendy is a former New York City radio host who transitioned to television. Her show is on channel 5 at 10am Monday to Friday. I love her because she celebrates herself – not in some “Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful,” egotistical way, but in a This-is-me-I-might-as-well-love-myself way. And what she doesn’t love, she improvises. (If it’s possible for a woman to have a drag queen quality, Wendy has it – in a good way.)

Wendy is a not too tall, busty, hippy gal who lives by the same axiom of Bessie, one of the characters in FAT CHICK, who says, “If you don’t like what you see, do something about it.” And Wendy does. "What makes the hips look smaller?" she likes to ask. (Besides a pair of SPANX, of course) the answer is big hair – Wendy wears wigs in many different styles – and high, high, high heels – Wendy wears those and then some, many also have a platform.

And there's no hiding in plain sight, in bulky, billowy clothes. Wendy wears formfitting dresses, a la Mad Men’s Joan, just to proves she loves the skin she’s in.

If being an inspiration for people to take pride in their outside isn't enough, she doles out common sense advice and good feelings about how to make the pride come from the inside out.

Ask yourself how you’re doin’. If you can’t say, “Fabulous,” tune into Wendy; if outside the city watch her online.

Just channeling her positive vibe, I'm doin' better already.

Countdown To Mad Men

2009-08-10T13:03:00.004-04:00

I’m counting the minutes, not days, minutes until Sunday, August 16^th at 10pm when my favorite show returns for its third season. http://www.amctv.com/originals/madmen

With so little worth watching on television, when I find a good show I hold on tight and don’t let go. And I love everything about it: that it’s set in a business in which I spent 20 years, how great the stories and dialogue are, how handsome Jon Hamm’s Don Draper is, how it highlights just how hard it was for women back then, how office politics has not changed in 50 years, how oddly demur yet sexy the clothes were, how much sex and booze this supposedly repressed generation actually gorged on, how crazy the “perfect” Betty Draper is, and how cool and confident, buxom office manager, Joan Holloway is.

Back then I believe the term men used to describe women with figures like Joan is “stacked”. Not fat, big-boned, plus-size, overweight or heavy.

There’s an episode from season 2 called “Maidenform” where the men declare that every woman is either a Jackie (Kennedy) or a Marilyn (Monroe) -- slender and classic or curvy and sexy.

Quite frankly who would argue if they fell into either category?

After all, back then, women actually had non-thin role models – besides Marilyn, Jane Russell, Jayne Mansfield and Rita Hayworth come to mind.

Maybe if there were more “Joans” on TV and in magazines, more women who look like that today wouldn’t be trying to whittle themselves down into "Jackies".

Sweet "Child" O' Mine

2009-08-07T14:23:00.005-04:00

"Bon Appétit," was her catchphrase, and "bon" is her movie. http://www.julieandjulia.com/

I never really knew much about Julia Child (http://www.biography.com/articles/Julia-Child-9246767) except that she spoke with that funny, high pitched, somewhat affected voice and had that rather cheap looking, black and white television show on Channel 13. Oh, yeah, and she was spoofed by Dan Ackroyd on SNL.

Well, my eyes have been opened thanks to Nora Ephron and I now count myself a fan. But my allegiance has nothing to do with cooking.

Julia Child was a big woman. I mean towering big, as well as un-thin. Yet, she found a husband, who was madly in love with her, (“You’re the butter to my bread,” he calls her.) It’s an inspiration for anyone who thinks her large size precludes her from meeting her match.

I also liked that she played to her strengths. When she moved to Paris, where her husband was sent for work, she was looking for something to do, like take a class. Nothing inspired her, so one night at dinner, her husband asked her what she really liked to do and she says, “Eat.” And so the person who liked to eat, took cooking classes.

Never once does she ever talk about her looks in a disparaging way. In fact, she makes a crack about how she shops for food the way other women shop for clothes. She adds that it’s OK because none of the stores carry her size anyway. It was impressive that Julia didn’t try to pare herself down to fit in – literally or figuratively.

When her equally towering and un-thin sister, Dorothy, arrives for a visit, they describe to Julia’s husband what it was like to grow up being so much larger than everyone else. The sister says something about how at first you don’t fit in then you don’t want to – presumably because you’ve learned to stand out in a positive way.

I highly recommend this movie. I not only liked it, I ate it up.

Carrie Bradshaw, I'm Not

2009-08-05T11:49:00.003-04:00

Like SJP’s Carrie, I write a column for a New York newspaper. Actually two. I write the New York Gal column for both Our Town and The West Side Spirit. www.ourtownny.com

I also have her same love of shoes and clothes (and the Amex bill to prove it); but alas, not the body. I’m a curvy girl in world where there are women like SJP who are so thin and fat free you wonder if they eat. And I saw many of them at the “Sex And The City 2” open casting call yesterday in downtown Manhattan. http://www.sexandthecitymovie.org

Even though I put my best foot forward (literally, in Christian Louboutins) and a Ralph Lauren dress, I worried the whole way down in the taxi whether I’d done the right thing. Surely, there would be true SJP clones there, and who wants to stand next to them? I was rather relieved when I got there (not at the line that wrapped around the block) but to see a very diverse cast of characters – tall, short, mature, ingénue, male, female – some dressed to the nines, some in costume (feathers and crinolines), while others showed up in jeans and T-shirts.

But there’s always that chosen few who can who can make even the best dressed you want to crawl under a rock. I was one stiletto heel away from getting back in a cab and going home. There were some women there who truly looked a perfect as the airbrushed versions in the magazines. In fact, if you chopped off their heads and put SJP’s head on their shoulders, you wouldn’t know the difference. There was actually a woman there who resembled Barbie. Not the cartoon, bimbo version, but the actual doll -- only 5’6” instead of 16 inches. She was exquisite.

In FAT CHICK, one of my characters says that you can’t blame the models or fashion magazines for giving us bad body image. Even if those to factions didn’t exist, there would still be other women at the beach or in community dressing rooms (or on line for SATC casting calls) who are skinnier, taller and have shinier hair.

It’s times like these that you really have reach down and be grateful for whatever you have and work it the best you can, figuring that “Barbie” -- for all her cellulite free size zero slinkiness -- has her own problems.

If you don’t, you’ll end committing hari-Carrie.

Turn Down The Stereo (Type)

2009-08-03T12:04:00.003-04:00

I hardly watch television anymore. Not because I’m above the medium, on the contrary there’s nothing like an evening of Must See TV. It’s just that, to quote The Boss, there’s “57 Channels and Nothin’s On.”

I give many a new show a chance (Royal Pains) and some I even devote an entire season of viewing (The Closer), only to end up disappointed and not wanting to waste anymore time with the glow from the blue light shining in my face.

Some stuff, I reject from the get-go, aka the promo. Such is the case with “Drop Dead Diva”, a made-for-TV movie where a young, blonde, beautiful model (read skinny girl) dies and reincarnates into the body of a smart, brunette, plus-size lawyer, which has now spun off into a television series.

Dumb/mean, blonde, thin vs. smart/nice, brunette, overweight has been around since before I started yo-yo dieting (we’re talking decades.) Hollywood really needs to come up with a new storyline. Have we not seen in real life that this is not exactly the case? Of course there are those who fit the stereotype, but there are also enough who disprove it.

Although I probably wouldn’t seek relationship advice from the ever blonde and still beautiful Christie Brinkley, www.christiebrinkley.com, she’d be a good one to talk to about real estate investments and business. The woman is a mogul. Her face may have started out as her fortune, but her savvy corporate sense made her wealthy.

Remember Roseanne Barr? Overweight? Yes. Brunette? Yes. Smart/nice?

I thought there was a glimmer of hope in a television movie called, “Queen Size”, about an overweight, high school senior who campaigns to be prom queen and gets treated to some Carrie-esque pranks. In this one, the blonde, thin girl is smart and nice. Her pretty friends of course are nasty. The overweight, brunette girl is too full of resentment, pity and self-loathing to relax enough to let her niceness shine through. I congratulate the writers/producers for attempting to do something different, but the story, dialogue and character development, especially the mother played by Annie Potts, made it unwatchable. But watch it I did, until the end when I was so exhausted from the tedium that I hoped everyone would change their collective mind and give the crown to the thin girl.

Maybe somewhere down the road, non-stereotypical characters of all sizes can find a good script worthy of them. Right now, fat chance.

Charmed, I'm Sure

2009-07-31T15:13:00.004-04:00

I lost 3 pounds this week.

I wish I could share with you the diet “secret” that has had this transforming effect, but there is no secret.; merely Mother Nature at work.

Due to the hot, humid, soppy, suffocating, NYC weather, I have felt nothing but sweaty, bloaty and uncomfortable.

You know that image of a rotund Henry VIII gorging at a table full of food, replete with giant drumstick in hand looking as though he’s about to explode? That’s how I felt, and I was only eating an apple. The thought of eating an actual meal of substance was sickening, so I subsisted on lots of water, salad and very light dinners. So lethargic did the rains make me, I just didn’t have it in me to snack.

To pass the time I read a lot. I put aside my usual novels though, for a non-fiction book I came across in the self-help section. It was originally published in 1938 by Herald Publishing Co., New York and has been republished by Chronicle Books, San Francisco. It’s called, (are you ready?) “Better Than Beauty – A Guide to Charm” by Helen Valentine & Alice Thompson. http://www.chroniclebooks.com/index/main,book-info/store,books/products_id,2562/title,Better-than-Beauty/

I highly recommend you pick one up (after you read FAT CHICK). I bought it on a lark. I love stuff like this. I get to feel like a superior modern woman, sorry for my sisters of yesteryear who had to deal with the mores that kept a gal down. Make sure you have your face on when your husband gets home so he’s glad that he’s come home to you. Stuff like that is always good for a laugh. Except this time the joke was on me.

Helen and Alice had their heads on straight, especially when it came to how one looks. They refer to it as “The Visual Side of Charm” and it goes a little something like this:

If you think you’re too thin, gain weight; too heavy? Lose it. Or make the best of the figure you have. Know your shape and wear clothes that fit it. Nothing makes you look fatter than clothes that are too tight. Never look like you spent an inordinate amount of time fussing with yourself. Don’t overdress. Dress simply; not plain, just simply.

Weigh yourself once a week to just stay in check. And here’s the kicker: Keep your personal biz (aka weight) to yourself.

For the longest time, what diet I was on was my M.O. Everyone was kept abreast of what I was and wasn’t eating and how many pounds I’d shed as a result. Sort of the way I opened this particular post.

Clearly, I need to keep reading and working on my charm.

I’m Spinning – Not In The Exercise Way

2009-07-30T14:48:00.006-04:00

Some days my head just spins. Yesterday I say a promo for one of the news channels that was doing a story about eating more to lose weight. I just couldn’t watch it. That whole “Eat More, Weigh Less” thing is already all over the internet. http://www.amazon.com/Eat-More-Weigh-Less-Abundantly/dp/0060959576

If you’ve done it and lost weight, more power to you. The only thing I ever got from eating more of anything – including grapes – was a bigger behind.

Clearly, I am not alone, since there is a new magazine out for those with even bigger behinds than mine, called SKORCH. http://www.skorchmagazine.com/

I am an InStyle reader myself, http://www.instyle.com, but if you’re interested, SKORCH is looking for a cover girl.

I’m sure like all the other women’s magazines they’ll have the mandatory article about loving yourself the way you are and the skin you’re in; but just in case, pages of exercises and lo-cal recipes will ensue. Think they’ll accept ad pages from Jenny Craig, Weight Watchers and Nutisystem?

If they do, then this might inspire the SKORCH cover girl to lose some of the skin she's in which she was supposed to love. She then can become one of the “real people” spokesman for Nutrisystem and do a commercial with Marie Osmond, who did not like the skin she was in when grew to be more than "just a little bit country."

Speaking of spokespeople, what ever happened to Queen Latifah and Phylicia Rashad? They were hawking Jenny for a while, then their commercials just dropped off the planet.

But not Valerie Bertinelli’s. Hers are still running. Although I admire her resolve, I get the impression from her last JC commercial that it’s still not enough that she lost forty pounds and kept it off.

I’m talking about the spot where she’s in the bikini – looking better than she did when she played Barbara Cooper -- and falls back into the pool. She’s ORANGE. Even though she is thin and toned, someone (the director?) must have said she’d look even thinner if she had a tan. I saw a show that featured “the making of the spot” and because she’s not stupid enough to lay out in the sun like a rotisserie chicken, she allowed them to spray her.

If you saw the movie “Bride Wars”, there’s a scene where Anne Hathaway’s character asks the tanning salon to give her a nice pre-wedding glow. Kate Hudson’s character sabotages the formula and Anne ends up a nice burnt sienna. It’s hard for me to believe that’s the look VB was going for. But there she is, the color of overcooked bacon.

Tan or no tan -- Val looks perfect the way she is after all her hard work and exercise. She should stop fiddling with herself now and enjoy.

In FAT CHICK, the main character does sort of the same thing. Losing the pounds that were weighing her down, if you will, just wasn’t enough. She had to keep doing more like taking her diet and exercise routine to the extreme, which is just as dangerous as eating in the extreme.

Another “extreme” gone wrong apparently is Skinny Jeans. There was a news report that this style can be bad for you – they cut off your circulation or something. http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/30870617/ns/health-behavior/

Some celebrity wearing them quipped during an interview that she didn’t think she looked too skinny in her skinny jeans. Head still spinning. If you can squeeze your ass into skinny anything, you are not fat. And clearly, weigh less because you don't eat more.

Emme Winner

2009-07-29T08:25:00.013-04:00

Emme is the first plus-size supermodel and current host of the new Fox show, MORE TO LOVE, which premiered last night at 9pm. http://www.fox.com/moretolove

The show is basically THE BACHELOR, except with larger women and a man who literally and figuratively embraces the voluptuous gal.

Contest shows don’t interest me in general. This one is no exception. The women on MORE TO LOVE cry because they say they can’t find love due to their size. If you watch THE BACHELOR, the women cry because they can’t find love and they don’t understand why. I think that all both these shows (created and produced by the same guy) prove is that men are equal opportunity rejecters.

Fat, skinny, blonde, brunette, redhead, ingénue, cougar, trendy, traditional, business maverick or homebody; whichever category in which you put yourself, there is a man who will find a reason to be just not that into you. http://www.amazon.com/Hes-Just-That-Into-Understanding/dp/068987474X

As we used to write in high school yearbooks, “Stay as sweet as you are.” Let’s. It’s not us. It’s them.

That having been said, I watched MORE TO LOVE because I have always been a fan of the show’s host, Emme. Much to my disappointment she is not on it enough. Even when I’m in a thin cycle I still idolize this woman. She is a model, a businesswoman, an author and motivational speaker. For the life of me, I cannot understand how she is not as big – no pun intended – as Oprah.

In fact, if FAT CHICK ever got made into a movie, I would want Emme to play the character Bessie, who is the book’s plus-size model/de facto heroine.

Emme is beautiful, confident and successful. The thing I love about her is that she’s so comfortable in her own skin. I’ve seen (non-plus) supermodels and size 0 actresses being interviewed who don’t have the ease and poise this women possesses. http://www.emmestyle.com

Stay away Jenny Craig and Nurtisystem. If Emme ever goes over to the dark side and shrinks from plus to minus, I will hold her down and force-feed her Häagen-Dazs .

Long Lost Loves Should Come Back The Way Weight Does

2009-07-28T10:26:00.007-04:00

People should find me so irresistible.

Whenever I’ve said, “Go! I hate you! Never come back. I never want to see you again!” whomever I said it to listened and obeyed.

If only this worked when I’ve wanted to rid myself of cellulite, muffin tops and upper arm jiggle. One of the reasons I wrote my novel, FAT CHICK, was because I thought that, if I wrote the story of a woman who gets fed up with riding the yo-yo, I would finally be able to get off it myself.

Can anyone though? If Oprah can’t, than who? Oprah can do anything, right? She can build an empire, give everyone in the studio audience a car, and maintain a healthy place on Fortune’s 100 list, yet even she’s back to tipping the scales. She who has access to every diet, nutrition, exercise and behavioral guru on the planet.

Yesterday, O had Kirstie Alley as her guest. http://www.oprah.com/article/oprahshow/20090417-tows-kirstie-alley-weight

Kirstie is big again, brassy blonde and talking about starting her own line of diet products. She wants to be in bathing suit shape for November.

How long was she on Jenny Craig, two years or something? That was two years of commercials and talk show appearances, watching her progress and listening to how easy it is and how she got fat in the first place and how she just couldn’t live like that anymore – in other words she told the story of all us yo-yoers and we cheered her on and watched her disrobe on television in a bikini and heels.

But that was then. Déjà vu all over again is not inspiring, merely depressing. Watching her drop it ONE MORE TIME whether it’s with her own weight loss line or back on Jenny will be just a reminder of our own failures to keep it off. I wish her well, I just hope she keeps her latest transformation to herself.

No, I don’t think that will happen either. Like unwanted pounds, Kirstie will be back.